


Toujours Aimé

by nah_she_didnt



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, CW: alcohol, Canon Compliant, Harry Potter Fic, M/M, Marauders era, Tattoos, cw: needles, marauders era fic, wolfstar, wolfstar fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28587003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nah_she_didnt/pseuds/nah_she_didnt
Summary: Four fifteen year olds, a bottle of fire whiskey, quill ink, and a sewing needle do not mix well together.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	Toujours Aimé

**Author's Note:**

> Four fifteen year olds, a bottle of fire whiskey, quill ink, and a sewing needle do not mix well together. 
> 
> **Disclaimer:** sitck and poke tattoos scare the shit out of me and I only vaguely know how they work, so kids, don’t try this at home! And definitely don’t let a fifteen year old dumbass (affectionate) sitck and poke you in the woods with only fire to sanitize...
> 
> ***Disclaimer again:*** JKR is a transphobic piece of shit who I do not respect at all, but she does regrettably own all these characters and stories.

“OUCH!” James yelped dramatically. 

“Hold still!”

“I can’t! You lied, you said this wouldn’t hurt a bit!” 

“I said it wouldn’t hurt that bad, you big baby. I’m repeatedly stabbing you with a needle, of course it hurts!”

“I am not a baby! I just wasn’t properly prepared for the pain and suffering that I would have to endure for this.” 

Bemused, Remus shook his head. He was trying very hard not to laugh at his friend’s surprisingly low pain tolerance, for at this moment Remus was trying to keep his hand as still as a statue has he held the needle next to James’ skin. 

“It’s a stick and poke tattoo, James,” said Remus patiently, “the stick and poke part should have been a dead giveaway. Now, will you sit still so that I can finish this?”

James sighed, slumping back against the tree stump behind him. “Alright then, just hurry up. Muggles are mad, mad! I don’t know why I ever agreed to this in the first place!” 

“Because it looks badass,” smirked Sirius, “Admit it, you’re hoping Evans will swoon when she sees that snitch across your shoulder blade when you inevitably take your shirt off in the common room gain.”

James blushed furiously. “Shut it.”

“I don’t think Evans seems like a tattoo-girl,” said Peter thoughtfully, “she’s rather uptight, wouldn’t you say?” 

“Principled,” protested James, “she’s principled, not uptight.” 

“Yeah, and her first principle is that you are an absolute git.” 

“Shut it again.” 

Remus loved nights like this. There were only two weeks left in the summer holidays, and then they would start their fifth year at Hogwarts. The lads had gathered at The Potters’ house earlier that day to set off on a muggle camping trip. They’d hiked to the top of a wooded hill for about two hours before they found the perfect spot, set up camp, and ate overcooked sausages and lukewarm beans from tin cans as the sun set. They were currently sitting around the fire passing around a bottle of Ogden’s under the vast sea of stars above. 

Sirius had brought up a tattoo a lion that he’d seen on the forearm of a man in the muggle village they passed on their hike. Remus casually mentioned the process of how muggle tattoos were performed, and before he knew it the marauders were insisting that Remus tattoo them all there and now. Once he reluctantly revealed that he did indeed have a sewing needle in his camping pack the boys were decided. 

Remus paused his poking to observe his work. He was currently working on the outline of a snitch across James’ right shoulder blade. He was pleased to note that the tattoo looked rather realistic. Remus couldn’t help but be impressed with himself, he always had a knack for drawing. 

“Peter, distract me,” panted James, still shutting his eyes tight against the prick of Remus’ needle. “Have you decided on yours yet?” 

“How about a wheel of cheese?” Sirius said seriously, putting a finger to his chin as if deep in thought, “Or, perhaps Mickey Mouse, right across your left bum cheek. That will surely impress the ladies,” 

“Shove it,” barked Peter, looking annoyed. He was a bit sensitive about his animagi form and all cheese-related humor. “I thought about maybe the Hogwarts crest? Or a ‘G’ for ‘Gryffindor.” 

Remus shook his head. “It needs to be something personal to you, something with hidden significance. It should be something only you fully understand, but that those who are close to you can recognize and appreciate.” 

“Damn, Moony,” grinned Sirius, “that was deep.” 

“I have my moments,” Remus said, blushing slightly.

“Right, I’ve picked mine then!” cried Sirius, clapping his hands together for emphasis. 

“Go on, then,” James prompted.

Sirius paused for dramatic effect, then threw his arms into the air for emphasis. “It’s going to be a wolf howling at the moon!”

There was a moment of stunned silence. Remus’ needle lay limp in his hand as he let Sirius’ pronouncement sink in.

“A wolf... You mean like a....” James began cautiously, as if he wanted to be incorrect.

“Yeah, like Moony, get it?” Sirius beamed. “You know, because if we hadn’t met Moony and -- you know -- werewolf Moony, then we wouldn’t be the marauders that we are today!” His face was starting to falter now, as if he realized that this idea was not popular among the group at large. He frowned defensively. “The secret that really drew us together, the reason we did all that damn work to become animagi last year. Don’t you guys think that’s the perfect thing to commemorate?” 

Remus’ heart had sunk into his stomach. The idea of his secret, the horror that lived so close to his surface every day of his life, would be displayed so publicly was almost to much to bear. So too was the idea that he himself was asked to etch his greatest shame onto his best friend’s skin. 

“Mate, I don’t think that’s the best idea...” said James, a warning tone starting to grow in his voice, “maybe you should pick something else.” 

“No, listen,” Sirius implored, “It’s going to be so cool. It could be like, I dunno, howling at the moon, or running through the woods, or--” 

“Tearing itself apart, alone, in the shrieking shack?” Said Remus, his expression cool. 

No one spoke. For a few moments all that could be heard was the crackling of the campfire and the rustling of the trees in the night breeze. Remus did not take his eyes off of James’ skin as he finished the last of the snitch. 

“Look, Moony--” Sirius started, then seemed to catch himself, “Remus, that isn’t what I meant. But you’re right,” he looked panicked then, “you’re absolutely right, I shouldn’t have said that. Of course you wouldn’t want that, I was just being stupid. I only meant--” 

“I know,” said Remus quickly, “I know what you meant. Let’s just drop it, alright?”

Sirius gazed intently at Remus for a beat, then nodded, “Alright, we’ll drop it.”

The four boys sat in awkward silence, watching Remus finish James’ tattoo. Once he was done, he put down the needle and stretched. “Alright, mate, you’re all set. Sorry that I don’t have a lollipop to give you for being such a good boy.” 

“A what?” Asked James, flexing his right arm after over half an hour of sitting still. 

“Never mind. Alright, who’s next?” 

Peter and Sirius looked at each other. “I still haven’t thought of anything good,” shrugged Peter. 

Sirius looked into his lap. “Yeah, well, neither have I, obviously.” 

Remus sighed. This was certainly not how he’d hoped the night would go. He started to clean the dirty needle in the campfire flames. There is absolutely no way this is sanitary, he thought to himself, these better not get infected because if James has to go to St. Mungo’s for ink poisoning his mum will murder me.  
“What about Sirius?” asked James.

“What about me?” 

“No, git, what about ‘Sirius’ the star? What if you got the constellation, what’s it called again? Anus Major?”

“Canis Major,” corrected Sirius quickly, “I dunno, I suppose that could be good. But it’ll just remind me of my dear old mum and dad, and my family’s insane obsession with stars as family names.” 

“How about a beater’s bat?” suggested Peter hopefully.

“Seems a bit obvious,” shrugged Sirius. “I need something obscure, something that has meaning.” 

“Toujours aimé“ whispered Remus. 

The boys looked up. “What?” asked James. 

Remus lifted his head and looked Sirius straight in the eye. “Toujours aimé, french for ‘always loved.’ You know, a spin on that ‘toujours pur’ ‘always pure’ nonsense.” 

Sirius looked dumbfounded. He sat staring at Remus with glassy eyes as something in his head seemed to click. He then smiled wider than he had all evening.

“My god, Moony, that’s it! It’s wicked cool, a big ol’ ‘fuck you’ to mum and dad, and it’ll look great on.” Sirius hurried quickly over to take James’ place next to Remus. He rolled up his sleeve and pointed to his forearm. “I want it right along here, along my left forearm. So they’ll know there’s no room for the dark mark they surely want to put there.” 

Remus smiled at his friend’s conviction. Sirius was ever the Gryffindor. 

\---

Several hours later Remus lay wide awake staring at the roof of the tent. He’d tattooed ‘Toujours Aimé’ down Sirius’ left arm as requested. He’d chosen a simple yet elegant cursive for the font, and shaded the letters so that they seemed to pop against his soft skin. Remus shook his head vigorously. He had to stop thinking about how soft his best mate’s skin was. Or how his forearm muscles clenched as Remus stuck the needle into his skin over and over again. How Sirius would wince at the pain, sucking in a sharp breath so close to Remus’ ear--

“Remus?”

Remus started out of his memory. Sirius was sitting up on his elbows, looking at him from across the snoring forms of James and Peter. 

“Yeah?” 

“Are you awake?”

“Nope, just a perceptive sleep talker.” 

“Ha. Well, I can’t sleep with these trolls. Fancy a walk?”

Remus nodded, taking care not to kick Peter in the head as he pulled on his long pants before stepping through the tent flap into the cool night air. He and Sirius fell into an easy step next to one another as they made their way back to the campfire. A few small embers still glowed in the hearth. 

Sirius looked intently at Remus. “Remus, mate, I have to say again how sorry I am. That must have been awful for you, the idea that I would put you on display like that. That I could risk your secret. I shouldn’t have said it, I just got caught up in the excitement. You know, everything we’ve achieved and everything we’ve done together. I never knew that friends like you lot were possible growing up. I still can’t believe sometimes how lucky I got when I met you... you know, uh, all of you,” Sirius corrected himself. 

Remus nodded as Sirius talked and waited until he was sure that Sirius had finished his apology. He was trying very hard not to make eye contact with Sirius for he was sure that his eyes would display the emotion he felt at Sirius’ words. He, too, had never known that friendship like this was possible. Remus had spent so much of his childhood completely without the company of anyone who could be considered a true friend. The day he’d met the marauders had changed his life. He understood completely Sirius’ hunger to brand himself with the connection they’d all forged. Finally, he smiled, looking back into Sirius’ face.

“I know all of that, mate. I know exactly how it feels. My life completely changed the day I met you -- and James and Pete, of course. I know you don’t see me as the wolf. It just throws me off, you know, every time I remember that you all know that part of me. I hate that you have to know that part,” he spat bitterly. 

Sirius put his hand on Remus’ knee. “I love that part of you. I love every part of you, Moony. You’re my best mate.” 

Remus smiled, suddenly embarrassed. “Come on, mate, be serious,” 

“I am Sirius.”  
“I really walked into that one, didn’t I?” 

“Prat,” Sirius grinned.

Remus took a deep breath. “You know, that’s why I suggested ‘always loved.’ Because your parents and their mania aren’t what matter most to you. You know you would die for your friends, and that they would die for you, because the love you. Because we do, you know, love you.” 

Sirius looked into the fire now, nodding slightly at Remus’ words. Remus was sure that he could see tears forming in his friend’s eyes. Sirius sniffed loudly and slapped Remus’ knee with the hand that still lay there. 

“Come on, enough of this sappy nonsense. What say we finish off the rest of the Ogden’s and go to bed? We’ll surely have a long day of listening to James whine about his tattoo hurting all the way home tomorrow.” 

\--

An hour later, when he was back in his sleeping bag, staring up at the ceiling again, Remus couldn’t help but think how lucky he was to have his friends. They could have so easily denied him when they found out who he was, but instead they changed their whole lives for him. He felt his chest swell with emotion at the thought of all they’d done for him, the thought that they’d achieved the impossible for him... the thought that less than an hour ago Sirius had his hand on his knee.

Remus groaned quietly, rolling over to stuff his face into his pillow. He clearly had much bigger problems on the horizon than whether or not James got ink poisoning.


End file.
